On Showing Up

We enter the room, myself and four kids. The four excuses for my rare visits. The weight of the infant seat, a rambunctious two-year-old and two older ones, who only seem to egg him on, when confined to a space where they must be controlled. I smile and say, "hello," then I seem to correct, reprimand, walk in and out of the room reining in the two-year-old and finally say that we should probably go, no conversation had. 

Is it really worth all that effort? It seems silly to go that far out of my way, to expend that much energy on the children, not to even be able to visit. 

I try without kids, yet finding time away from them can be burdensome for the family, too, or requires me to go during a much needed rest time. Fully exhausted and without too much thought, I opt to ignore. 

A week. A month goes by. I feel the weight then easily forget again. 

Weeks on end, the whisper says, "Just show up." 

"It's just so hard," I whine. To give up normalcy - the comfort of an already too chaotic life for what? For eyes that see shallow? For words that criticize? For a heart that is desperately guarded. Desperately needy. 

Why me? I don't have spare time. I don't have the right words. I don't have the energy, as I sense the weight of a hardened heart in him toward Him. Who am I? I continue to forget. My days fill up. It is easy to forget.

The whisper does not go away. I sense it in my heart. I see it in the words of the theme for a study I work through. I see it in a book I am reading. I hear it in church. It's all around me and I know.

It hits me a little more severely when I see something that causes me to envision Christ Himself there; Christ sitting there waiting for me to show up, to comfort me with His presence, to pour out His glory through me one. visit. at. a. time. Christ Himself is waiting.

When I close my eyes or look the other way; when I choose to ignore, I ignore so much more than what I think I attempt to avoid. 

To avoid, I ignore Christ Himself. I remain comfortable in a world that is safe by pretense and I forget the purpose of my being, the purpose for which I am raising my children, the purpose for which I was created.

For service; for sacrifice; to give to the poor, the needy, and hungry - Christ Himself. 

Can I justify giving to the poor across the sea, thousands of miles away when I ignore that which is before me only ten miles away? 

What if He has me here for such a time as this (Esther 4:14)?

Will I find the courage? Will I allow myself to be used though it feels like it will cost me too much - limited time, emotion, peace? Will I take the risk, though I search for how?

We show up. By the grace of God, the children are little angels. 

We don't say much or anything seemingly significant. We simply show up.

Five Minute Friday :: On Forgetting

I'm linking up with Lisa-jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five minute Friday, with the writing prompt:

On Forgetting...

Go

I look at her just tall enough to peer over the window sill out the window and I think, “I am so grateful – for you.”  I remember the oldest – now seven, about that size with hands pressed up against the glass door of the previous house. I remember holding him and gobbling up his affections. Just six years it’s been since then, yet a long time in the life of a child – and the heart of mama. I see in between them the two middle children. I see how their entering into this world and into this heart has been a bit of a whirl wind. How did we get here? Four…

So much gets forgotten. Moments. Days. I don’t want to forget.

My heart swells as I look at her and think of them and my eyes whisper to my heart, “Remember.”

Stop

That's all I've got! Now it's your turn. Give it your best five-minutes!

When Our Discipline Mirrors God's Discipline

 because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son. Hebrews 12:6

The more I understand the Lord's governing and discipline out of love for me, the more I understand how I am to govern and discipline my children. 

It amazes me how often one of my children will get hurt somehow when acting outside of obedience to me - even if it's just stubbing a toe or bumping a head. Yet, it reminds me that when I (as God's child) act outside of His will; often times, I get hurt, too.

This parallel allows me the wisdom to offer empathy with one of my children, as I have the opportunity to say, "I'm so sorry you hurt {insert body part}. Sometimes when you choose to disobey (act outside of my will), somebody gets hurt."

That consistency then can bud a correlation to the spiritual discipline of obedience to God, in its most basic form.

Another directive, that I consider when parenting, is in the acknowledgement that God owns everything. Everything I have is a gift from Him. It is up to me to be a good steward of what I have been given. He gives and He takes away!

In the same way, all that our children own is really ours - their parents. Those were given as gifts and it is up to us to teach them to be a good stewards of those gifts. We give and we can take away.

If this is the premise of our parenting, then it will be much clearer to understand God's governing and the necessity to be good stewards of all that is given them long after they answer to us.

So then, the goal of discipline is not simply obedience for the sake of obedience, but obedience for a greater purpose. Like God, we see the bigger picture and know what is best for our children. They must learn to trust that our authority is for their best interests. Our plan is not to harm them, but to help them prosper with hope and a future. (Jer. 29:11)


We discipline because we love.

When our discipline mirrors God's discipline, the intention of that discipline has one outcome: hearts that mirror Christ.

Although parenting does not come with a manual, I am so grateful for the guidance of scripture, which reveals God's character, and of the Holy Spirit - constantly counseling me, as I seek.

What correlations to scripture have you used in disciplining your children?
***

For more inspiration go to Internet Cafe Devotions for Word Filled Wednesday and Katie Lloyd Photography for Scripture and a Snapshot.

When Parenting Requires Inconvenience

It seemed like the obvious thing to do when she slammed the door on her baby sister, who was crawling into her room, and nailed her in the forehead. That is not when I decided to take action, however. I simply told her that the door had to remain open for the rest of the morning then I proceeded to prop it all the way open with her Barbie doll house, that normally sets right next to the door. A few minutes later, I went downstairs to find the door closed again. That is when I decided that the next logical thing to do would be to remove the door.

Her dad had not yet left for work so, he obliged to do the job. Half way into it he realized the job was messier than expected! He had black grease all over his hands while clothed in a nicely pressed shirt and slacks. She was balling. He was becoming frustrated. I remained quiet as I held her, fighting the temptation to say, "forget it!" from the guilt invading my rational thoughts, hammering in that going this far out of our way to teach a lesson was not worth it.

Constantly navigating my way through this parenting role, which does not come with a manual, I happened to come across the story of Jonah in scripture later in the morning, a study I recently completed. Some highlights I gleaned from it were the awareness that God did not simply dismiss Jonah's actions, threaten Jonah nor act on frustration when Jonah decided to disobey God's call and do his own thing. God went out of his way to pursue Jonah and reveal the intention of His discipline. We saw it first in the boat headed for Tarshish when the storm came. Next, we saw it when Jonah was swallowed up by the big fish. Finally, we saw it when God provided a vine to shade Jonah from the scorching sun, then sent a worm to attack the plant so that it whithered away. Although Jonah was given several opportunities to obey through each trial, it took many trials to begin to transform his heart, in which the outcome of his heart we never do find out. So then we pick the story up with our own.

Some of the most significant actions we will take with our children in raising them will not be the most convenient. I could have overlooked the situation with Alexa thinking it was not worth the fuss. I could have gotten frustrated and opened the door again barking an idol threat. The act of taking the door off its hinges could have been my last straw of anger. Yet, those choices would have cost me respect and her the love and discipline she needs to know I care and that her choices matter. Simply acting while still comforting, I am hopeful, got the point across in a way that did not shut her down, but allowed her - even in her disappointment - to remain open to the lesson to be learned. 

Just like God was pursuing a heart transformation in Jonah, although we may not know the outcome for the condition of their hearts, we as parents can pursue the hearts of our children through discipline that is intentional. The goal being, not simply obedience by our authority, but also discipline that fosters malleable hearts through relationship - even when it requires inconvenience.

The door came off. Rob washed his hands. And we all gave him a kiss goodbye as he headed off to work, including Alexa - with smiles.

***

#20-#40 of a heart of thanks to God for

malleable hearts
a willing husband
discernment
baseball in the rain
little hands rolling pizza dough
cooperation of Saturday cleaning
charts and incentives
whistles in party bags
soccer against my man and a little man refereeing with his new whistle
natures orchestra outside my window
submission acceptance
a few moments to snuggle with an early riser
two-and-a-half year old still needing held
nearly five-year-old occasionally wanting held
scripture and prayer around the table
the discovery of a belly button
sword fights with spaghetti noodles
a green earth and blossoms

sunshine breaking through the clouds
words of affirmation and encouragement

I'm working my way to One Thousand Gifts of gratitude and linking up with Multitudes on Mondays at Holy Experience and Sol Deo Gloria at Finding Heaven.

Rainy Days At Our House

Five Minute Friday :: When Seasons Change

I'm linking up with Lisa-jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five minute Friday, with the writing prompt:


When Seasons Change...

Go.

I'm in the process of weaning; weaning my thirteen-month-old baby girl from nursing; weaning myself of the last indication that my children's lifeline comes from me, their mother – another step in the direction of independence. 

She has accepted it. Yet, as the process runs its course in my body, I know I have not quite let go and grieve putting the past behind. No more infant stage, no more up at night to nurse, no more skin to skin attachment. As the last of the four children, we have officially moved into a new season of parenting in this house. 

When seasons change it can be bitter-sweet. Yet, I'm reminded that there is a time for everything, there is hope for renewal, there is promise. As I contemplate this next season of life, I don't know what the weather may bring, but I am excited and am hopeful that it will be joyous and life-giving. 

I'm reminded that there is a time for planting, a time for waiting, and a time for harvest. Every season is needed for the full cycle to be accomplished. 

Seeds have been and are being planted. And we are watering, watering, watering, with the hope of renewal, resurrection, and promise – the promise of bloom in the lives of these children.

Stop.

Now it's your turn! Link up and give your best five-minutes!

As of Late :: May

Lately I'm a little sad about the baby stage of life being behind us.

Lately I have the desire, as strong as ever, not to miss a moment of the important things in life.

Lately I've become more aware that humility is not just recognizing when I mess up, but loving anyway when someone else messes up.

Lately I've been challenged to step out of my comfort zone.

Lately I've been convicted to enter another's sufferings.

Lately I don't want to, but am willing to pray about how to.

Lately I've cleared my plate and feel good about taking a step back.

Lately I anticipate new things, harder things, good things.

Lately I've started counting up to 1000, my gifts of gratitude.

Lately I've realized that I can clean pick up my whole house in an afternoon, including those rooms behind closed doors, if I have to.

What have you been up to As of  Late?

Look Out Your Window

"Let us acknowledge the LORD; let us press on to acknowledge him. As surely as the sun rises, he will appear; he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” Hosea 6:3

Is it one of those days? Are you feeling a little overwhelmed, questioning or in doubt? Are you wondering how you're going to pull it off again with all that is expected of you, all that may be weighing you down? 


Look out your window. Did the sun rise? Are there signs of spring? Did you even have to think about it this morning? Did you have to wonder or worry about your day being set into motion with the rising of the sun? 


As surely as you can expect the sun to rise and can expect the seasons in their due time, that is how you can approach God - with expectancy that He will appear. He will show up in your life, in your day! 


Resist the doubt that lurks. Look out your window. Press on. He will come to you when you call on Him as sure as the daylight pouring through. 

I'm linking up with Internet Cafe Devotions for Word Filled Wednesday and Katie Lloyd Photography for Scripture and a Snapshot!

When Parenting Requires Humility

Putting aside my own wants and desires for the sake of putting my children's needs first. Taking a deep breath when I feel frustrated and impatient because I am tired or spent. Apologizing when I know I blew it with one of my children.

These are some things I think about when I think about parenting that requires humility.

However, as they grow a little older and become more sophisticated, I notice that humility hits me a little more personally.

When I feel I have done well in teaching right and wrong to my children and the seven-year-old chooses to lie knowingly, I humble myself to love him not for everything he does right, but also in spite of the wrong - and I realize I do not control my children's decisions.

When the nearly five-year-old continually pushes my buttons while I sit there before her feeling like somehow she has me wrapped around her finger, I humble myself to gently and patiently engage when I'm tempted to find my worth as a mother in a power struggle - and I realize I do not control my children's behaviors.

When I desire to console the two-year-old, who hurt some part of his body and is crying for daddy, I humble myself to appreciate his daddy - and I realize I do not control my children's affections.

Sometimes the hardest part of parenting is when I simply feel the most ineffective as a parent. When all that investment produces signs of disappointment. Yet true humility, as Jesus portrayed, loves in the face of it all. It loves in the face of deceit, in the face of betrayal, in the face of mockery, and in the face of disappointment - especially from the ones we are most invested in. It loves unconditionally when we are tempted to put conditions on love.

In all of my zeal for parenting, have I made the bargain that I will invest all of me as long as I get the results I want? Or is the deal, when parenting requires humility, that I persevere and invest all of me in the face of what ever may come? Period.


When parenting requires humility, I remind myself to give generously, love lavishly - and then let go of the outcome.


And this presents the question - as lessons of parenting are constantly teaching - in the face of all of life, do I clothe myself with this kind of humility?
***

And linking up for the first time with Soli Deo Gloria at Finding Heaven, where women seek to encourage, support and love.

photo source - flickr

Five Minute Friday :: Deep Breath

I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo this morning at The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday with the writing prompt:

Deep Breath…

Go.

I’ve noticed that when I am short, edgy and impatient, my breaths are short, too. They are shallow like my temperament.

Tonight, I stand in their bedrooms and I bark orders knowing this is not how I capture their hearts. Yet, I am tired and I cannot find the softness in me. I make myself walk away.

I pray, although I don’t want to. I pray in those short, shallow breaths.

“Change me, Lord. Soften my heart.” {A breath} “Help me to show them love. May I show them grace? May I feel compassion in this heart?” {Bigger breath} “Open my eyes. Allow me to see how my short, harsh words hurt, although nobody may visually be negatively affected. Allow me to see a bigger picture; to see who I am training my children to be in the carelessness of my temperment. Move me to inhale, deep, humility and exhale the frustration, impatience, and pride.” {Deeper breath} “Thank you, Lord. Forgive me. Thank you.”

{Deep breath}

Stop.

Now it’s your turn!

A Pure Heart

Join me over at Internet Cafe Devotions for Word Filled Wednesday, at Katie Loyd Photography for Scripture and a Snapshot and for Wordless Wednesday.

A Mother's Day Prayer

Father,
On this day designated to celebrate mothers, I offer you what you behold as holy and allow you to continue to mold me in the area of the greatest challenge, deepest joy and highest calling I may ever know. Through it all...


Through days that I feel I have faltered once again in the, "having it all together," department, juggling not just the responsibility of keeping house, but the joy in it; for creating a sacred harmonious space for our family to live.


Through juggling that with loving and disciplining these children and not just managing it all, but living it. Engaging. Taking time for the make-believe stories the four-year-old rattles off when I feel the need to multi-task. But, no, to stop. Look her in the eye and engage in her story. Do I want to play that imaginary game? How? I wonder this when it seems so much easier to let her play while I unload the dishwasher or steal a few extra minutes to write. But, to let her teach me to play. To teach me about her thoughts and her heart. This is a gift.


Through juggling the teaching of character, faith and virtue. Have we incorporated this enough into their life?


Through juggling structure and order. Others do it so much better than me. 


Through juggling the daily weight of feeling I am not enough for all this, all that you have entrusted me and Rob to and a feeling some days that I am failing miserably at the one shot I have in this lifetime. 


Yet, you have entrusted these to me as the one who labored their birth and the one who labors their upbringing - that, which is not easy. 


Lord, I fail every day in trying. And trying only fails me. 


But, You. You, who holds all things. You make it all flow. You. The inspiration. The essence of order. The inventor of detail. Creator. You know. My daily obedience to You is the key that unlocks all that is necessary in our day. All that I need to do this one task well. It unlocks the capacity to see all that I would not ordinarily see. All that you have ordained. Nothing less. Nothing more. 

My obedience unleashes the free-flowing sacred dwelling of grace. It accepts the gift in spite of my weakness. And when it flows, it pours-all over these children. For you tell me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9


For the sake of these children, whom you have entrusted me, have numbered every hair on their head, and have called by name - for these,I cannot offer perfection. For these, I simply offer me.


Today I will claim, not the burden, but the joy of raising these children. One of the deepest joys I may ever know this side of heaven. 


Your humble and grateful daughter,
Theresa


***




Join the Blog And Share link up at Dancing Again's blog! 
{photo credit}

Five Minute Friday :: Motherhood Should Come With...

I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo this morning at The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday with the writing prompt:

Motherhood Should Come With...  


Go.

Motherhood should come with hearts that offer grace even when they are tired and spent by the end of a day. Grace. Always grace.

Motherhood should come with strong words on the tip of their tongues to uplift and encourage, especially for the times when criticism lurks around the corner. Praise. Praise. Praise.

Motherhood should come with a focused lens to see straight to the heart of what God sees, ears to tune in to hear what God hears - through their tears and through their laughter, and loving actions that speak more often than our words.

Motherhood should come with humility to know we won't do this one task perfectly, to know when to say, "I'm sorry." .

Motherhood should come with a compass to always point us in the right direction, to keep us on track, and to point us and our children to Christ through every situation.

Stop.

Isn't it grand that what motherhood does come with, for the choosing, is the Holy Spirit who gives us all we need and more to do this one task well? Why would we not accept that direction, council, focused lens, extraordinary love and grace that is simply beyond us. Why wouldn't we?

This wasn't exactly easy...I could have gone with weekly manicures, pedicures and massages, but resisted. Now it's your turn! Give your best five minutes!

A Temporary Dwelling

One of the biggest fears I've recognized in myself recently has been the idea of being uprooted from the comfort of our home - the house I love and imagine our children growing up in, our beautiful town, our friends, and my family. A fear of being pushed outside of my comfort and security.

Although there are no current signs of our family going anywhere, I feel God convicting me that this house where we live - this life - is temporary. It is the relationship that is eternal. I'm challenged to live my life not so comfortably where I am, so focused on the place, but to live in a way that if we were to leave this place we would have everything we need to make us feel at home where ever we went. Endless hours of stories with the children, laughter, practices that build our faith and relationship with Christ...if this is what makes our house a home here, it will make a home any where.

This is how I live life for today. This is how I live in gratitude and generosity rather than in fear and control. For this is not the address I strive to make my permanent home. It is, but a temporary dwelling in which my family is blessed and may bless others through, as we cultivate and anticipate all that is eternal. Growing deep the roots that raise eyes, arms, and hearts high to heaven proclaiming all of His glory in all circumstances.


So I ask you, too, are you investing more of your time and energy in the temporary or that which is eternal?

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18

*** 

I'm linking up with Word Filled Wednesday over at Internet Cafe Devotions and with Scripture and a Snapshot over at Katie Lloyd Photography!