Five Minute Friday :: Gift

I'm linking up with Lisa Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday with the writing prompt

Gift...

Go

Life is a gift. I discovered that when I became a mother.

These children are gifts to me, little treasures that start out like seed. What do we do with the treasure? We cultivate the ground in preparation to plant those little seeds and then water and nurture and weed them over and over and over again. With these seeds that have been given as undeserving gifts, what do we envision for the garden of their life? Do we hold onto the seed for a while and then scatter them, throw them out to the world, to be surprised by who they become, whether they'll grow strong or whither through the storms? Or do we nurture their growth within this garden we have cultivated for them as entrusted parents? Then when they begin to bloom, we allow them to surprise us with all they they were created for. These gifts given as seeds will grow into their God intended purpose when we cultivate the soil of their foundation and nurture them to the life they were intended by God to live. And when their life span has arrived and they die, as all life does, the seeds of their life will scatter and create new growth as a result of theirs. That is the gift of life: beauty while we're here that multiplies when we're gone.

My grandma (step-grandma) just passed away last week and as I listened to praise and worship in my vehicle on the way to take my children to school this morning, I felt her presence because I knew she was dancing and singing with all her might before her Heavenly Father. And the seeds of her life are already sprinkling all over mine as I quietly worship and join her in the joyous dance.  

Stop

 

What If We Refused?

"Go hard on me, mom," declares eight-year-old, Robby, as we prepare to play one-on-one soccer in our back yard. I chuckle at his words for I know how much has changed in a few short years.


Just a few years ago I was holding back, running barely behind him as he kicked and darted toward the ball all the way up the yard to score a goal.  On occasion, I enjoyed hassling him, weaseling the ball away just to make him work harder and he'd complain that I was not going easy enough on him.


In just a few short years, he's grown and changed so much. He's more mature, able to control his emotions, and more athletically coordinated. We communicate, relate and laugh together and it wasn't even that long ago I sat up nights nursing and rocking him back to sleep.


One of those mid-nights, within the first week of bringing him home from the hospital, I had nursed him, changed his diaper, and swaddled him snug. When I went to lay him back down, he would not have it. As a new mother, I didn't know what to do for him. Weary and exhausted, I remember my anxiety rising that night. I had abruptly flung his blanket back open and re-swaddled him, then breathed deep and like a tide rushing in,  felt wisdom wash over me that would linger throughout my parenting years, not for one but for four children throughout infancy, toddlerhood, and into childhood:


Don't become frustrated, Theresa. This is just a season. You'll never have him this small again. Yes, you will lose sleep. It will be hard. But it will pass. These moments you'll find were gifts. Receive them.

I'm sure I have become frustrated over other issues, regarding children and sleep, over the past eight years, yet I cannot recall another night, hovering over an infant, in frustration over my sense of helplessness. Not one since that vivid internal monologue. And I've had many sleepless nights and those nights did pass. I encounter different frustrations and feelings of helplessness now in a whole new season and the never ending question remains, how do I choose to contend with those?

And I wonder if what made a difference eight years ago can make a difference today.

What if we refused? If we took a deep breath and decided we're not going to let weariness, frustration, and feelings of helplessness overtake our peace. We won't allow those emotions, that so easily creep in, to dictate our behavior. I wonder how it would change our parenting, how we see our children. 

Because we'll never have them as small and impressionable as they are now, ever again. Yes, we will lose sleep. It will be hard. But it will pass. What if these moments are gifts, even the hard ones? Will we receive them?

Today he dances with the ball over the winter withered grass, maneuvering fancy feet. He kicks the ball passed me and goes for the goal.

When we choose to see the bigger picture, the greater goal and desired outcome, our frustrations become small. If we intentionally commit to accepting that it will be hard, that cultivating the lives of our children will take labor, sacrifice and perseverance, maybe we will bounce back quicker when we stumble - because we will.

"Good game, mom. That was fun." Robby exclaims. "Thanks for playing with me." And I think I also hear, "Thanks for being patient with me through the years. Thanks for your dedication, perseverance, and for believing in me. Thanks for upholding me with dignity and respect even though I'm smaller than you and dad. Thanks for laughing with me, and for loving me no matter what."

And I think about the little things that never really mattered. And the things that do.

***
I'm Guest-blogging over at Moms in Need of Mercy today with this post! I hope you'll visit Cheryl's beautiful and insightful blog.

Sharing with Women Living Well, Painted Prose, and Grace Cafe

The Nurturing Mother {Guest Post by Cheryl Hackett}

I am privileged to know Cheryl personally. She is a beautiful woman and mother who encourages me weekly through our phone conversations and through her blog, Moms in Need of Mercy. I am honored to introduce her to you today!

A few months ago, these orchids held so much promise. Two stems burst forth with no less than a dozen buds. We awaited a magnificent display of gorgeous flowers.


Yet something went wrong. Perhaps due to a lack of watering, or lack of fertilization, the buds that held such promise of beauty never bloomed.  In fact, they shriveled up and fell off the branches altogether.


As I reflected on what went wrong, I realized: this is the perfect picture of our children’s souls. We are given so much potential. We can cause our children to flourish with nurture, or shrivel for lack of time, attention, and encouragement.


Anyone can be a caregiver; only one is Mother. We can meet our children’s basic needs—making sure they are fed, bathed, and given proper clothing—and yet still fail them by neglecting to draw out the uniqueness our Creator has placed inside each of our children. They will be, as Sally Clarkson writes in The Mission of Motherhood, “uncultivated and underdeveloped.”


Succeeding as a gardener requires intentional effort. A lovely garden doesn’t just happen. Succeeding as a mother requires intentional acts to nurture our children’s spirits and encourage growth of their God-given talents and personalities.


Certainly, there are many mundane moments as Mom, but we must be sure that there is plenty of quality time—personal one-on-one investment into each of our children’s lives on a regular basis. We could go through our lives as mothers, spending our days with our children, but never really exposing the “roots” of who they truly are (and helping them bring that uniqueness to surface). And then, like the orchid, we will miss the breath-taking beauty of what could have been and fail to experience the joy brought by seeing our children’s lives bloom. Instead, let’s plan to intentionally nurture our children's precious souls.


***
A former broadcast journalist turned full-time mom of four, Cheryl Hackett aims to encourage other moms in our high calling of motherhood at Moms In Need of Mercy (www.momsinneedofmercy.com). In addition to sharing humorous stories of life with three sons, six and under (like when they closed themselves in the ice chest at the grocery store, and when one swallowed a quarter), she hopes you’ll find grace and receive mercy to help in your time of need.  You’ll find encouragement and practical tips for mothering well, keeping our marriages strong, managing our homes effectively, and saving money to stretch our dollars as far as possible.

Sharing with Finding Heaven, A Pause on the Path, Seedlings in Stone, The Wellspring, Write it, Girl and The Better Mom 

Book Review: You're Already Amazing

Have you ever thought, "If only I was better at this, I could..." or, "When I have more of that, I will..." Well, you're not alone. These are lies all women believe at one point or another.

But guess what? It's not a matter of if or when. Girl, You're Already Amazing!

In Holly Gerth's new book, You're Already Amazing: Embracing Who You Are, Becoming All God Created You To Be, Holly successfully breaks through the cliche` of, "Ya, ya, we're all amazing," and tackles the very reasons why you can believe that you are amazing. that you do have something to offer. that you do have what it takes. that nobody can do it as good as you. and that you are already amazing because God fearfully and wonderfully created you.

So just who are you and what were you created for?

I love how Holly breaks it down so well for you, down to the synaptic connections in your brain! In her book, Holly just has a way of making you realize that you really were created down to the specific detail for a purpose. She helps you determine your strengths and to know how to live in your strengths. However, rather than pitying your weaknesses, she exhorts you to see that your weaknesses have a purpose, too. Your divinely created strengths are supported by your weaknesses. Your strengths and weaknesses are woven together perfectly!

Throughout her book, Holly engages you with thought-provoking questions and varying exercises to help you narrow in on just how you were created and what you were created for.

Holly  addresses the lies you believe and challenges you to replace the lies with the truth of scripture. And she reminds you, with this passage, to stop comparing yourselves because the road you're on is meant just for you:

"The road he's carved out for you is yours alone. It's always the road less traveled because you're the only one who is ever going to walk it." (p 79)

Yes, you do have something to offer and no one can offer it, but you.

Finally, Holly addresses the fears that hold you back. She encourages you to let go of control and embrace relationship with confidence, because in spite of rejection, you can know that you are already perfectly loved. You are enough because He is enough in you. And you were made for more than this because "he has also set eternity in the human heart" (Ecc 3:11). And that "more" you feel is meant to point you straight to heaven.

I really enjoyed reading this book. Holly's engaging approach and her experience as a licensed counselor and life coach gave this book an edge over other affirming books I've read. I would recommend this life-changing book for women of all ages, teen-aged on up! Because, on varying levels, we all desperately need to know our worth.

You're Already Amazing is available at a bookstore near you in March 2012 from Revell, a division of Baker Publishing Group. You can also find Holly Gerth at Heart to Heart with Holly. 

Mom Heart On-line Launching Today!

It wasn't up for discussion. We didn't sit there and banter, "Would you want to? Do you think we should..." We knew why we were there and we knew what we desperately needed to bring home by the the closing of the Denver Mom Heart Conference this past January, with author/speaker, Sally Clarkson (which I blogged about here). My friend, Amber (who, with her husband, had just adopted two children from Russia three months prior to total four children within a three-year age span) and I, simply stood up from our table, looked at each other and said,

"When are we starting our group?"


This past March my friend, Amber, and I started a Mom Heart Group in our area, where we gathered with a total of eight diverse, like-minded women, intending to keep the group intimate at the start, meeting once a month going through the twelve chapters of Sally Clarkson's, Mission of Motherhood, over the next twelve months.


A Mom Heart Group, for us, was to be a group of women seeking to build each other up in Christ to be the best women, thinkers, and mothers that we could be. A relaxing atmosphere to come to filled with love, acceptance, conversation, and resources, where we could enjoy food and fellowship as we would catch the vision of God's purpose and design for us, allowing it to shape our life as mothers.


And now, launching today, we have another resource at our fingertips to guide us through this community and the best part is? You can take advantage of it, too! It's Mom Heart On-line at http://momheart.org with amazing writers you know and love all in one place, plus resources for leading your own Mom Heart Group and much more!


Why another mom blog to add to the ocean of blogs already out there? 

Mom Heart Online is a spiritual harbor. We’re here not just to bring you in to stay, but also to send you out to sail. We are a place any mom can come to be encouraged, equipped, and enabled as a mother after God’s heart. We are here to inspire and engage your heart with great content that calls you to a high vision for your life as a mother, to create an online community of moms where you can network and interact with others who share your heart, to train you how to easily start and lead your own Mom Heart Group to continue in life what you find online, and to provide quality and original materials and resources that will fill your heart and mind with life-changing wisdom and truth. That’s why!

Mom Heart Online is one part of the larger Mom Heart Ministry vision to start an international movement of small groups for mothers to restore moms’ hearts to God’s heart for motherhood. They believe that God designed a mother not only to give life biologically, but also to give life spiritually to her children, her home, and the world around her. Motherhood was in the heart of God at creation, is affirmed throughout Scripture, and is a critical and strategic part of God’s design for the family. They're here to help you become the woman and mother God designed you to be.

I am so thrilled to have Sally Clarkson and all of her many Mom Heart ideas and resources at my fingertips for parenting in this generation to impact the next! I've caught the vision. I hope you'll catch the vision, too!

***

Sharing with Grace Cafe and Painting Prose

What's Your Game Plan?

Do you have a vision for your home? A picture of what you want your home life to look like? Something you're working toward or maybe far from?

A very simple vision statement may look like this: A peaceful dwelling to enter into, in the midst of life happening.

This one comes to mind because we determined here that having a peaceful home is not about doing it all, but first about having our priorities in order. Therefore, once we have a vision for our home, I believe we must determine our priorities, then we can set some goals and make a plan!

In our home, we would order our priorities as the following: God first, then spouse, children, extended family, friends. These can easily fall out of order for us, but determining them will help set our goals and make a plan.

So once we've considered our vision and determined our priorities, where do we start? Consider answering these three key questions that I have found helpful in setting some goals:

1. What have we already established? I like to look at what is already working for us first. Rather than looking at everything that we're not doing, let's recognize what we are! These are the things that we may take for granted because, once they are established, we hardly think about it. They are things that have become our daily or weekly traditions. It is not a struggle. There is cooperation and order, for the most part, and it serves to enhance our lives. If we think about it, we'll find many things that are already working!

Examples of what is already working for us:


Morning devotion before school. This helps our kids wake up and get out of bed, knowing they get some snuggle and reading time before breakfast and finally preparing for school. The value in it is that it trains them to put God's Word at the front of their day.


Saturday morning breakfast feast around the dining room table. This has become a tradition for us that we look forward to every Saturday morning. Normally, we eat breakfast at the breakfast bar so, this provides one more opportunity to gather as a family. It also lends itself to training in table manners and talking about the day ahead as a family.


2. What are we currently attempting to establish yet, may not be ordered yet? This is where we want to start. We want to put our focus on one goal and give it ample time to form as a habit before attempting to conquer another (or more, if reasonable). These are things you are already aware of and are successful at some of the time, but not consistently because it has not yet become a way of life. You likely have several things that you're working on that simply need refined.

Examples of things we are currently working  to establish:


*Structuring  after school time to dinner time.

*Prioritizing ways I can bless my husband every day.


*Saturday morning chores. 


3. What do we desire to establish? Write these down in your game plan. Begin to do one of these new routines only when your current routine of focus is established.

Examples of things we would like to establish:


*What Sally Clarkson calls anchors throughout our day - those moments where we are reading together, enjoying a tea time, etc. and preparing for the next portion of the day.


*Daily chores

I have found that trying to accomplish too much at once can be overwhelming and cause us to shut down. Without a vision, a goal and a plan, we'll give up and think it not possible, assuming we just don't have what it takes.

So consider first the big picture: what is your vision for your home? Determine your priorities. Then consider those goals. Finally make a plan of action. Start small and build upon it. With dedication and perseverance, you'll get there!

Sharing with Finding Heaven, A Pause on the Path, Seedlings in Stone, Write it, Girl , Raising Homemakers and The Better Mom

Five Minute Friday :: Brave

I'm linking up with Lisa Jo at The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday with the writing prompt


Brave...

Go
I'm a writer. I have only on-line publications at this point, yet from the very marrow of my bone I know that this is what I was created to do. I know the uneasiness of an idea floating around until it hits the screen. I know the synergy of writing until the thought is fully crafted. And I know the satisfaction of reading the outcome of little pieces that came together in an extraordinary way, as though somebody else's fingers took over and I'm just reading the finished product. I know what it feels like to breathe deep with satisfaction, with chills, with a smile, with laughter. Or to lose a breath with tears.

I don't know what the big picture holds and frankly, to go here and admit that this is who I am and what I desperately want is scary. Because what if I'm not good enough, clever enough, poignant enough, dynamic enough? Yet, in spite of these doubts, this is who I am and I choose to continue to take the small steps in faithfulness to this vocation. And fear won't overcome me. It won't tell me I'm not doing enough because, in this season of life, I choose to do what I can. It won't tell me I'm not good enough because what I have boiling within only I can give.

I choose to trust and believe in the picture that I cannot see, parts that I may never see, don't have to see, in order to forge forward into the wondrous unknown.
Stop


*I may have totally made up my own definition for synergy in this five minute bust! But just so you understand, I'm using it in terms of my knowledge, experience, and creativity working together, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to create the whole. Does that work? 

How to Create a Peaceful Home

It's a place he enters into that is another source of stress, he tells me as we're washing up getting ready for bed. The place that is supposed to be restful and peaceful at the end of a day and it's eye-opening, this reality that makes me gulp in hearing. But I have to hear it to understand why. Why of all places is our home a source of stress to him?

I had never asked. And he has always appreciated everything I juggle. And he's not complaining. It was just a topic that had come up in our couples study earlier, which we were now discussing and he's sharing honestly, and I didn't realize.

I didn't realize he experienced peace differently than how I viewed it: by how messy or clean the house was, how loud or quiet the children were, how much arguing or correcting was occurring and I thought we were doing pretty good under the circumstances.

But it's the little things, he tells me. It's the tasks left undone for days or weeks. It's having a space that is his, that is always touched by little hands or with my piles, and it's not just me. It's the never-ending household projects he has yet to cross off of  his list.

The water trickles as he brushes his teeth and I stand stunned as I think about how I am failing because what good is all of my efforts in creating a peaceful and orderly home if he doesn't feel it?

And I know that I should consider him first. I know that if I uphold him and he upholds me, together we uphold our family and there is cohesiveness. And I know that it is all too easy to fall into the trap of expending all of my energy on the children.

Yet, if I am expending all of  my energy with my priorities out of order, how much of my energy am I expending in vain?

We draw back the covers and crawl into bed and our conversation has ended, but I'm still thinking that maybe it's not about having a perfectly clean or a reasonably quiet space. Maybe a peaceful home is simply the space where love and respect abide; a safe place where needs are met and pressures lessened. One upholding the other so that the cares of the world seem small. Peace in the midst of life happening; a place where we create order best when we have ordered our priorities.

Do you consider your home a peaceful place?

Helpful questions you may consider asking your husband:

Is this a peaceful place to come home to or a stressful place?

What are the sources of stress in your life right now?

How can I help in alleviating that stress?

What is one thing I can do today that will bless you?

***

I'm focusing on intentional living over the next weeks. I hope you'll join the conversation so that, together, we can persevere in our challenges and encourage one another!

Sharing with Finding Heaven, A Pause on the Path, Seedlings in Stone, The Wellspring, Write it, Girl and The Better Mom

10 Benefits To Playing With Our Kids

I'm probably the worst at it. I'm a little inept when it comes to getting down on the floor and playing with my children. I find it a little easier to play ball or a board game, however, being a character in a pretend game of princesses or star wars is a bit more challenging for me. Why is it so hard to enter their world? For me? I'm constantly thinking about something else I should be doing. However, I've heard that playing with our child/children for one hour a day is recommended by the experts, and although I do think our children would turn out okay if we never got down on the floor to engage in their play, I've disciplined myself to give it a try and have learned a few things along the way.


Playing with our child/children:


1.Gives us opportunity to train our children in how to play well together
It gives us opportunity to train our children in how to play well and problem solve together. This is particularly true for my one and three-year-old. I let them guide the play, while I guide the interactions.


2. Gives us opportunity to role-play expected behaviors
It gives us opportunity to role-play manners and character qualities we expect to see in them.


3. Builds relationship 
It builds relationship between us and our children and prepares hearts to receive our instruction.  

4. Fills their love tanks
When we give our children our time, they simply feel loved. 

5. Sets the tone for the rest of the day (or morning, afternoon, evening).
When our children feel loved and nourished, they're more likely to play well on their own and to want to please us and obey, and the rest of the day (or morning...) goes so much smoother.

6. Forces us to slow down and lighten up a little
It forces us to lighten up and set aside our adult concerns and demands for a short time. (I know how difficult it can be to be mentally present, however, giving ourselves a general time frame and just forming the habit will help in doing this.)


7. Provides opportunity for us to learn about our children 
It provides opportunity for us to learn about our children and their hearts.
How they play may say a lot about how they see the world or how they feel.


8. Teaches us how to speak their language
How our children play teaches us how to speak to them and connect with them using their lingo.


9. Affirms them
It is affirming to our children when we allow them to guide the play rather than mom and dad calling the shots all of the time.


10. Allows us to be child-like
It gets us on their level remembering, too, that this is the spirit of our character that enters the kingdom. Why not engage and become more like "such as these?"

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

Generally speaking, if my children are playing well together or on their own and have their creative juices flowing, I don't mess with it. However, I try to be assiduous in responding to a request to play, even if I am in the middle of something. It may be a sword fight with one or a soccer game outdoors with another. It might be playing princesses or a game of chess. It might be for an hour or just ten minutes (usually ten minutes in pretend play!).


I can't say I always jump for joy at the request, but then there are times when I surprise myself! I think it's the likelihood, that if we've made the intentional decision in advance not to turn down a reasonable request to engage our children through play, we'll do it. 

All in all, it's not easy. We have to be willing to make it a practice. Slow down, lighten up and go have a little fun...and while we're at it, fill a love tank with our time. And doesn't that make it all worth it?


How about you? Do you make time to play with your children and, if so, what benefits have you found through it?

***

I'll be focusing on intentional living over the next weeks. I hope you'll join the conversation so that, together, we can persevere in our challenges and encourage one another!

Sharing with Finding Heaven, A Pause on the Path, Seedlings in Stone, The Wellspring, and The Better Mom