Wednesday, September 22, 2010
We're a few weeks into routine at home with Alexa and Drew and honestly it has felt (pause) -well, a little...pointless. Schedules look great on paper. Yet, the reality of the day to day can be daunting and feel like literal chaos.
First of all, I have to be ON all the time. I must get good sleep, up early enough for "me" time, and preparation for the day has had to have happened. Then I get going with the kiddos morning routines, fighting to stay present to them with thoughts racing through my head of, "Today clean bathrooms, fold and put away laundry, in addition to keeping up with dishes, swept floor, and general pick-up- Oh! and don't forget about fall cleaning: ceiling fans and windows; MOPS: reserve park for registration, recruit one more child care provider, need copies of registration forms - Oh! and don't forget you still have to revise the handbook, call x, y, and z, and type out "Fees" document...all before noon when we'll have lunch and quiet time just in time to be ready for Robby to come home from school - and I present to his day." Right. And that is not even the sum of it, just what needs to happen that day. Did I mention feeding, caressing, and tending to the needs of Madeline? Did I mention chaos?
As for fall cleaning, I got a little side-tracked when it took me an entire week just to get through the kitchen! I think I only gave myself a week for the entire house. So I hadn't given up these last couple of weeks, just became less determined...in my mind, that is. In reality, "fall cleaning" came to a complete halt by the time I completed the kitchen at the end of the week and it looked like my refrigerator needed cleaning out again.
I've been pretty good about getting up early enough to have some "me" time even if just a half hour. Yesterday morning I was mulling over my bible study lesson and considering the question, "What revelations has God given you this week?"
"Well honestly, Lord, I haven't been paying that close attention." One word came to me so, I wrote it down.
Okay, I have come to terms with the fact that life (and house) is a work in progress. That if you don't start somewhere, how can you refine and perfect your system...and naturally, everything will change again once it's considered perfected...particularly the house - within only moments. But, so true to life because we are living, breathing, learning, and growing. No, we cannot freeze life or a clean home, nor would I want to forfeit the glory of God through the lack of even one breath. Yet, those ridiculous expectations that creep into my mind make me want to bag all those good intentions sometimes.
I realize that routines and structure, anything done differently or even well, take time. It takes time to see what works and what doesn't work, time to determine what is realistic, what is most effective, and time to form habits. I get it.
This morning I read Robby a devotion, as I do every morning. Just a simple story about Noah and his stick-to-it-ivedness. Quitters never finish anything, according to Captain Noah. God needs people who'll stick with it until the task is done. God calls it perseverance.
Have you ever heard how important it is to pay attention to repetition in your life? I take it quite seriously. Once is, "Okay, I get it. Good reminder." A second time? "Yes, Lord. I hear you. Thank you!" God speaks to us all the time, every day, in the big and little things. Are we paying attention? Repetition should surely get our attention. And I just love that affirmation that God cares. "Oh ya, he is in the details of my life. Oh ya, he's not just cheering me on. Oh, right. I'm taking His lead...forgot about that." I love it. I love God. He humbles me frequently just in the knowing I can't do it all on my own, nor am I meant to.
So, the bottom line is - we are getting it. Schedules are falling into place, habits are forming, and I am sticking-to-it.