Monday, May 30, 2011

On Showing Up

We enter the room, myself and four kids. The four excuses for my rare visits. The weight of the infant seat, a rambunctious two-year-old and two older ones, who only seem to egg him on, when confined to a space where they must be controlled. I smile and say, "hello," then I seem to correct, reprimand, walk in and out of the room reining in the two-year-old and finally say that we should probably go, no conversation had. 

Is it really worth all that effort? It seems silly to go that far out of my way, to expend that much energy on the children, not to even be able to visit. 

I try without kids, yet finding time away from them can be burdensome for the family, too, or requires me to go during a much needed rest time. Fully exhausted and without too much thought, I opt to ignore. 

A week. A month goes by. I feel the weight then easily forget again. 

Weeks on end, the whisper says, "Just show up." 

"It's just so hard," I whine. To give up normalcy - the comfort of an already too chaotic life for what? For eyes that see shallow? For words that criticize? For a heart that is desperately guarded. Desperately needy. 

Why me? I don't have spare time. I don't have the right words. I don't have the energy, as I sense the weight of a hardened heart in him toward Him. Who am I? I continue to forget. My days fill up. It is easy to forget.

The whisper does not go away. I sense it in my heart. I see it in the words of the theme for a study I work through. I see it in a book I am reading. I hear it in church. It's all around me and I know.

It hits me a little more severely when I see something that causes me to envision Christ Himself there; Christ sitting there waiting for me to show up, to comfort me with His presence, to pour out His glory through me one. visit. at. a. time. Christ Himself is waiting.

When I close my eyes or look the other way; when I choose to ignore, I ignore so much more than what I think I attempt to avoid. 

To avoid, I ignore Christ Himself. I remain comfortable in a world that is safe by pretense and I forget the purpose of my being, the purpose for which I am raising my children, the purpose for which I was created.

For service; for sacrifice; to give to the poor, the needy, and hungry - Christ Himself. 

Can I justify giving to the poor across the sea, thousands of miles away when I ignore that which is before me only ten miles away? 

What if He has me here for such a time as this (Esther 4:14)?

Will I find the courage? Will I allow myself to be used though it feels like it will cost me too much - limited time, emotion, peace? Will I take the risk, though I search for how?

We show up. By the grace of God, the children are little angels. 

We don't say much or anything seemingly significant. We simply show up.


  1. So true. Beautiful words and list!

  2. Beautiful words and blessed list.

  3. Oh, I loved this all and 'simply showing up'...I don't even have hard things waiting and yet I can stay away...{yes, we are literally far away, but I need to/want to love the ones waiting for me and my little ones}. You definitely brought tears to my eyes...sister

    and LOVE that you are linking with Jen, life's been so nuts, I don't know if you have before?? my best bloggy friends {besides you, we connected and you're in my besties too!} all came from amazing {hope you read this Jen!!} xoxo friend:-)

  4. To "simply show up" for "such a time as this" for the wonders GOD will do with your willing heart!

  5. Too often it becomes about so many other things, but this, we need to remember. . .to just get ourselves there, just show up. The rest isn't up to us.

    Thanks for your words, Theresa.

  6. Such beauty in your words. I'm asking God where I should just show up. My heart is waiting on God's answer.


  7. I love a counselor/social worker, I spend a lot of time very nervous about saying the "right thing". When really, all I need to do is trust God...thank you for the reminder :)

  8. This brought up some memories I had pushed down inside me. Of all the times I didn't show up, made excuses...forgot. And the times I did remember, trying to remind them of who these lite people with me were, making small talk and wishing I didn't have to be there and then hating myself for thinking that. "The kids are sick again" I'd say and promise to visit another day when really I wanted to say "It hurts too much". Gosh what I would do to go back and have the chance to show up.

  9. I want to show up . . . most days.


  10. Beautiful and convicting reminder to keep my eyes open and be present. Thank you.

  11. You have made me realize that value of just showing up. So often, I feel that I need to come equipped with words or gifts or something instead of Thank you for restoring that idea that sometimes ourselves are the perfect thing needed.

  12. Hi there. This post is beautiful. I feel this way too about making contact with my Dad. I need to work on that.
    God bless

  13. oh, so beautiful. How I need to just show up and let God work. So often, I think it's all up to me. What a great reminder.


  14. So true. God is in our "just showing up," in our going empty-handed, without words or anything. I regularly need to overcome the hurdle and just go....without expectations except that God will use it somehow.

  15. Oh, this is wonderful! Love can feel so inconvenient and messy. Such beautiful truth. Thank you for this blessing to me.

  16. Oh Theresa, I struggle with this, so struggle with this. THIS is one I never want to forget.
    Thank you for your words!


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