Wednesday, April 15, 2009

What Makes Me Angry, Anyway?

Before I blog anything else on my mind, I've been challenged to write about what most stood out to me from the speaker I blogged about in my previous post. So little time. I opted to take the easy road and let my readers check it out for themselves. But, leave it to my husband to call me on it. :) So, following is one of many points that stood out to me:

What makes me angry? This question really stood out to me, as I have never really considered it's answer as valuable information toward determining my God-given vocation and recognizing what stands in the way of accomplishing it. But, it makes sense! Yes, "what do I love?" or "what brings me joy?" will help direct what I feel most passionate about. Yet, what it is that makes me angry is a huge indicator of what I care about, value, and feel passionate about, as well. Once I have determined those values that I feel passionate about, I then question if I am consistent with those values. Very interesting and transparant breakdown.

So...what makes me angry, anyway?

Various forms of injustice, collectively, makes just about everybody angry. So, I could say that injustice makes me angry and that would be accurate. But, that would be too broad. Obviously, injustice toward my husband or one of my children would make me angry. Yet, what gets me worked up more than anything is injustice toward God. So, what is it that I value that stirs my anger? Dignity. Preserving the dignity of people and preserving the dignity of God, those of whom I especially care most about. I imagine in the workplace or other area of devotion, I would have that same value-system. Therefore, according to this breakdown, my first and formost vocation is in serving God and bringing glory to his name and second in serving my family by honoring them and building them up in Christ.

The next point questioned is, am I consisitent with those values that trigger my anger? No. Do I ever let down or disappoint my husband and children? Yes. Do I grieve Jesus with my sinfulness? Yes. Praise God for His grace. Yet, why the inconsistency (other than my imperfection when it comes to God)? Fear. Whatever that fear is, that is what stands between me and pursuing that passion and vocation.

...Fear of rejection, missing the mark, being taken advantage of, missing out on something else, not being appreciated, not gaining we're getting somewhere. Now, I can evaluate those fears that determine so much of my thinking. Those fears I really don't want to admit and often ignore. Yet, admitting them disempowers them...okay, now I've gone off on my own thoughts...good, thought-provoking stuff.

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