I remember a time, living in NJ at twenty-three-years-old, I was sitting in Starbucks reading and journaling wondering how my life would unfold, still searching and longing. Looking up from my journal, I spotted a woman walking in with her little girl, maybe three-years-old. This woman appeared to be much more mature than I. She had to have been in her mid to late thirties yet, darling. I looked at her with her daughter with admiration. I remember thinking she looked like a well-respected, put-together, cute, hip, mom. Aw...there was that longing. That is who I wanted to be some day.
Twelve years later, as we approached the fourth of July this year, I had some serious mixed feelings! How would I feel about passing that mid-thirty mark, embarking on thirty-six? I tried not to think too much about it, considering that number sounds OLD to me and did not even realize my birthday was actually here until two days before! However, regardless of my avoidance, that day did arrive and guess how I felt?
Like a well-respected, put-together, cute, hip, mom!
Phew! I have finally arrived, kind of like when I turned thirty and suddenly felt like I could be taken more seriously in the workplace. I'm not just a kid anymore pretending to raise kids. I'm a woman! And I love where I'm at in my life.
The biggest difference between who I am now and who I was then, other than the incredible blessings currently in my life, is my solid walk with God (with whom those blessings are accredited to). Those years of longing have required patience and faithful obedience, and with that obedience God has shown himself faithful beyond measure! That pattern continues in my life today, as I believe God places those very longings in our hearts and requires our constant leaning on him for fulfillment.
Maybe that longing twelve years ago was not simply for who I wanted to be some day but, for who God created me to be some day.