On Breaking Rules {Creatively}

There I was sitting in a potting class. The instructor teaching the rules for achieving the best results in creating a potted plant. She talked about planting a combination of thrillers (tall), fillers (mounding), and spillers (trailing), starting with the thrillers in the center and working out. She then proceeded to plant a pot as an example and, oddly enough, put a spiller in a filler domain. When questioned she stated something that I was inclined to write down, “Learn to do things by the rules, then start breaking them – creatively.”

 With four children, this sounded like a good motto for parenting!

Since our first born seven years ago, my husband and I have sought to provide structure, routine, and consistency with our children in order to form good habits and harmony within the home.

For instance, we have a rule that when we go to the grocery store if it is not on the list we don’t buy it. My children understand that rule well and rarely ask for something impromptu at the store.  Another example may be that nap/quiet time is sacred time at our house, as it allows me a small window of much needed time for myself. When it comes to this time of the day, the older two children know that they are expected to play in their rooms quietly while the younger two nap.

These practices, and others, have been working for our family now for seven years. However, with each child, I’ve learned something more valuable than rules. I've recognized that the value of relationship far out-weighs holding fast a rule.

What about the importance of consistency? On what basis would I think to throw out a rule?

Even Jesus esteemed relationship over rules. We see it in the way Jesus taught – always through relationship rather than dictatorship. We see it when the disciples reprimanded the children and Jesus said, “Let the children come…” (Mark 10:14) We see it with the Samaritan woman at the well, in a time when Jews did not associate with Samaritans and women were not spoken to directly by men and Jesus approached the woman. (John 4:7) We see it when Jesus healed a crippled woman on the Sabbath, though the Pharisees chastised Him for not resting on the Sabbath. (Luke 13:10) But, ultimately, we see it in the New Covenant versus the Old Covenant, where it is not the law that is most important to the Christian faith, but it is grace through a relationship with Jesus.

As Christians, we still live under laws and rules to keep us safe and protected, but only through that relationship with Christ do we understand our faith and cultivate a desire to obey.

In the same way, rules are necessary to keep our children safe and to {hopefully} achieve the best results in raising respectable adults, but only through our relationship with them will our instruction begin to take root.

So now, as a parent, my motto is to set a good foundation - lay the ground rules; keep a framework - and then start breaking rules – creatively! If I want a moment with just one child, I might have to allow one to stay up late to read extra stories together, let one crawl into bed with me during quiet time, or treat one to m&m's if it is just us at the grocery store.  I want all the cherished moments I can get with each one of my children and sometimes that will just mean a broken rule for a cherished memory.

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#50-#75 of thanks to God for

rules meant to be broken

cultivating relationship

creativity 

His sovereignty

first fruits

teachable moments

snuggles with early risers

invitation to "play"

little hands to help plant flowers

(and little hands to help make a mess of the dirt)

children extending hearts to orphans

pushing through the blah days

grace in the moments

renewal

mercy - new every morning

taking "a walk for life"

children's pace

accomplishing summer projects

a night out with my man

ice cream in the park (with him)

celebrating Father's Day a week early (because he deserves it!)

the discoveries of a precious one-year-old

the delight of swinging for the first time

jumping eight feet to the ground...my ever endearing, all-boy 2 1/2 year-old

the wonder

working my way to One Thousand Gifts and beyond of gratitude and linking up with Multitudes on Mondays at Holy Experience, Sol Deo Gloria at Finding Heaven, and Homemaker By Choice.