Sunday, September 9, 2012

10 Lessons I've Learned From 10 Years of {a Christ-Centered} Marriage

This man was etched on my heart before my eyes would ever see how life would change once we met (you can read about how we met here.)

I joke about how he wasn't even what I was looking for. He came into my life at a point in time I could no longer see beyond. The point I surrendered and said, "Okay God, your way." And then God blew me away, little by little, to the place we are today.

This is a perfect example of why I continue to put my life in the hands of my Heavenly Father. He knows me so much better than I know myself, what I need, and all of the desires of my heart for a lifetime to come.

This is the reason we put Christ at the center of our marriage, as well. Because we trust our marriage to be the workmanship of his hands.

I've grown so much over the last thirteen years of knowing this man and ten years of marriage.

Here are just 10 lessons I've learned from 10 years of marriage:

1) Love is a choice. I've put plenty of conditions on relationships and based many a decision on feelings in my life. Yet I've learned that, in marriage, there are no conditions. Love is a choice.

2) God must come first. The closer I grow in my relationship with God, the closer I grow to my husband (imagine a triangle with God at the top and each of us at the bottom corners moving closer to that top point).

3) Stop complaining. I believe my husband is God's perfect provision for me sealed by our vows. When I complain about his imperfections, I assume God's provision as not good enough for me.

4) Be patient. Our imperfections and differences are serving to refine one another into the persons and couple God intends for us to be.

5) Don't nag. Nagging is like a constant dripping on a rainy day (Proverbs 27:15). If I feel strongly about something, I've learned to go to God with it first, then discern if and how to approach my husband. It's not my job to control, convince or persuade my husband. I simply need to get out of the way so God can touch him. (I've always loved this quote)...

Duck - so God can hit your husband!

6) Approach God with confidence in matters of marriage. Because we know this holy matrimony is within the will of God, based on 1 John 5:14-15, I can be certain that when I ask anything that will draw our marriage into the abundance of God's perfect design, I will receive it!

7) Submit. When I am willing to freely submit to my husband, he's more than willing to submit to me...he's willing to lay his life down for me. Although I may submit more in the little things, the greater submission and sacrifice is his, by God's design.

8) Trust that God is faithful. The more I trust God with my desires and passions, the more I realize how he is already carving pathways within my husbands heart and mind toward a complementary vision (God truly keeps us in sync. He's faithful like that!).
9) Allow grace to fill in the gaps. A marriage is hard-pressed to survive without it.

10) Be the first to change. The moments I want my spouse to change, prayer inevitably changes me first.That, in turn, changes everything.

To Rob, my spouse, I love sharing this journey with you. I know we have a ton more to learn with a lifetime to learn it.

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Jesus Christ. Philippians 1:6

I wonder what the next ten years will bring?

What tid-bit of wisdom have you learned from your marriage over the years?

Counting gifts of gratitude with Ann today:

remembering where we were and how far we've come.

the four fruits of our love and union.

hands connecting around the dinner table to complete the circle - our family.

sharing in our anniversary celebration with our children.

watching the wedding dvd and the comments revealing differing developmental understanding over the lack of their presence at our wedding...
"I died when you got married. That's why I wasn't there." ~Drew

the comfort that comes with years of getting to know each other

the challenges that keep us learning and growing

I would love to stay connected. You may subscribe to the left of this post to receive weekly updates or click here to like Heavenly Glimpses on facebook.


  1. Oh, Theresa, I love the wisdom packed in this post. (And I needed at least NINE of those reminders- even after nineteen years of marriage!) And your wedding pictures are gorgeous. You are gorgeous. Celebrating with you the gift of a godly man and the One who loves you both! Happy Anniversary.

  2. Hi Theresa! It's nice to meet you and I'm blessed that you've linked up with The Alabaster Jar. Thank you for sharing such wonderful reminders of how to have a Christ-centered marriage.

  3. I found you at the Alabaster Jar, and I must say, I love this. #3 and 5 are big ones for me, and I love the quote :)
    I would love it if you would share this with us at Matrimonial Mondays.

  4. I love all of your "lessons," Theresa, but especially resonate with #9 and #10. Great job and congrats on 10 years! Beautiful pics too. :)

  5. What a thankful view of your marriage. And I agree with what you said in the beginning, so thankful that God knows what I need, more than I do. Love your photos.

  6. What a beautiful bride...and you still are...Happy Anniversary...and may you continue to grow and have many...many more years...growing older together...continuing to choose Christ as you center. blessings to you~

  7. Happy anniversary! This is a beautiful post on marriage. I am visiting from Multitudes on Monday - right after you in line - #69. I hope you can stop by.

  8. Oh, I especially like #10. Someone has to change first! Otherwise you're just at a total impasse and nothing will ever get better!

    Thanks for linking up!

    Elizabeth@Warrior Wives

  9. I love what you said about grace filling in the gaps. Because sometimes the gaps are all you see.
    But somehow, love (in the form of grace) still covers over a multitude of things.
    Thank you for this lovely list.
    (And thanks for visiting me! :))

  10. Congrats on ten years, girl! Such a beautiful post and list. Loved this line: "He knows me so much better than I know myself, what I need, and all of the desires of my heart for a lifetime to come."

    I too have been realizing just how much God knows what's best for me, so I only want Him to choose for me now.

    You are SO beautiful, btw!

  11. "be the first to change" - oh, yes. this one is hard, but so so true! what a gorgeous bride you made, and what a gorgeous wife you make!

  12. With God at your center only more years of His glory shining in your marriage! Happy day to you!!!

  13. beautiful. you've encouraged my heart today. so much wisdom!
    thank you for linking up to the marriage link up.
    I'd love to invite you back to mercyINK some time for our regular weekly gathering where we share all things heart & home.
    so nice to find your blog. love it.
    lauren mills

  14. Oh girl this is such a great post!!! So relate-able and such good stuff for the unmarried gals to read too!!

  15. Love this! I found you through Titus 2 Tuesdays! I'm your newest follower and look forward to connecting with you!


  16. This is wonderful! Having only been married for a little over a year, I love learning from couples who have been married longer. Thanks for sharing! I'm a new follower from the Titus 2 Tuesday link up!

  17. Great lessons from someone with more marriage experience! I haven't even been married 2 years yet, so I know I have a lot to learn. I have to admit, the "Duck" quote made me laugh--but there's truth in it!

  18. May you and your husband be blessed with many more years to come♥

  19. Thanks for sharing! I like it when married women share things they have learned. Trying to glean what I can before I'm married! :)

  20. This is SO full of useful information! Thank you so much for linking up with us!!

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