However, the next thing I knew, this guy sitting next to me - whom I had not spoken even one word to since our unofficial group encounter just days ago - was speaking up. I don't recall those exact words that straightened my posture nearly twelve years ago, but I recall having no choice but to chime in.
We alternated affirmations, with complimenting points, "YEAH, and...," "Right, and..."
My eyes widened and my heart sprang forth as I had been overtaken by the proclamations of this guy. It was as though I had suddenly noticed him for the first time.
I went home that night intrigued...
Who was that guy who proclaimed so boldly a belief in the one true God?
Who was that guy who said he owned over 100 Christian CDs? Did that many Christian artists even exixt?
Who was that guy who grabbed my attention and literally woke me up?
Who was that guy who spoke like he knew so very personally my first love?
You see, I grew up knowing Jesus Christ as my Savior. I knew He was good and that He loved me. I trusted Him. I just wasn't willing to trust Him with my whole life.
I had decided I knew better than anyone what I was looking for in the love department. After all, it was easy for me to determine what would and wouldn't interest me in a guy, who was and wasn't a decent guy, and who would or wouldn't pursue me like I was the only girl on the planet. I could easily tell who made me feel special and who didn't.
I wasn't looking for a godly guy, someone who was trusting God with his whole life. I didn't believe that kind existed. I didn't even know any godly men and, truth be told, never ran across any in my dating years up to that point.
Isn't that what happens when we seek outside of God's character? We simply find everything but, godly character.
Good guys. Decent guys. Just the wrong guys.
There came a point that I had even lowered those initial standards. I did a little more of the pursuing. I sought to feel special. I clearly couldn't expect the fairytale. I didn't expect much.
I remember telling a friend that if that next guy (whom I had already scoped out) was not the one, then there would be no one for me. I believed that. I was tired of disappointment; tired of gambling in a game that was being played too casually with my heart.
Something changed that round. I had inevitably been pursued, however, not by that guy. That ended, too. I remember that day, humbled by my circumstances; when compromise would no longer camouflage my existence. Oh, how I wanted to run; crawl into a hole – but, there I was backed up against the wall of my own captivity. I knew what I had to do. It’s true. I could see no further than “that next guy.” I threw my arms up – finally – and surrendered. I admitted I couldn’t control this outcome. I had already compromised the belief that there was something more – someone worth waiting for. I had compromised what my heart deeply desired and was yearning for - God. I surrendered my choices and committed to allowing God to take the pen and write this story.
One month later, I pulled back the chair and sat next to him...