I write because I have a message. I write because I have a passion for spreading that message. I don’t write because I’m the most clever, witty, or skilled writer out there. I simply write because I’m compelled to when I see the profound disguised by the ordinary and find simplicity in the most profound, life-changing story ever told.
For the past few months, I've wondered why I write. I don’t know if I couldn’t see the profound or if the profound was just becoming too ordinary. I needed God to produce a famine in me in order to produce a hunger again.
The famine is finally passing and I am writing almost every day again. Yet, I’m not yet willing to blog.
You see, profound became ordinary because I think I began to focus too much on the ordinary things, like the mechanics of a blog and the pull toward the blog and the self-satisfaction of the blog. Without realizing it, I put my stakes in the ordinary – self-serving aspects of the blog – and lost sight of the reason I started writing in the first place.
So after a very busy couple of months and January 1st rolled around, the fore-told end of my blog break, I knew I wasn't ready. Now that I’m writing and ideas are flowing again, I’m still not ready. Because this time away from the blog has built up strength in discipline, focus, and faith – discipline in attending to my priorities, focus in a greater vision and faith that God has me exactly where He wants me.
This blog break has honestly meant putting more energy into my family - my children during the day and my husband in the evenings.
I don’t know about you, but it had been difficult for me to set aside a specific time for writing and then stick to it. I believe it can be done when disciplined and obedient to a call. But for me, as a mother, it has had the ability to become too all-consuming and creep into my days, invade my thoughts and steal time away from my relationships and real life.
I’m an artist. I write when I feel inspired. Yet, I’m a mother first and fore-most, creating art with real lives and dare I not confuse the two.
It can be all-consuming in the way of always thinking on the next idea, writing it out, joining community, and supporting community by commenting on other blogs. It all takes time. And yes, it feels worth it if the message resonates with just one and yes, it helps in building a platform toward a greater goal. Yet, if I’m to be entrusted with a greater goal, I have to know how to handle the small stuff.
And then there is that instant gratification of publishing a post that will receive almost immediate feedback. And there’s no harm in that either – unless you’re settling for the instant gratification over blood, sweat and tears, humility, and a greater purpose and reward.
I don’t know that there is a formula for us writers. I just know that if I’m drawn to writing as an idol in my life, I've missed the boat and it will come at too great a cost.
This is why I’m not blogging.
But, I’ll be back.
I am writing in a committed time-slot daily now. I've got my journal for quick notes of inspiration throughout the day and I do hope that will translate to the blog once again soon, or some other format that may engage an audience. But when it does, I want it to be out of pure obedience, ordered by the One who knows me better than I know myself, who knows what I need and what this world needs more than I do, the profound Creator of the Universe, who loves me enough to order the details of my life.
I do believe it is possible to be an artist and create in an orderly fashion, honoring God and family. I am choosing to seek that direction, focused and purposefully.
How about you? Do struggle with being disciplined in writing or a certain hobby?
What tips have you acquired that have been helpful in juggling life with your writing ministry, hopes and dreams?
I'd love to know your thoughts on what works for you.
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