How We Train Our Boys to Be Men at Four

"Don't follow me," is the phrase my four-year-old boy is uttering toward his nearly three-year-old sister, over the past few days.

We don't always know why our children determine to be unkind or even cruel to one another. Who knows where they pick up such thoughts and actions and then mimic them. Or more essential the question, what is at the heart of the behavior?

How do boys grow into young men who take advantage of and violate a young woman?

As parents, what we know is that we are all selfish by nature and the training of a child is constant in re-framing that mindset and molding their heart toward kindness, consideration and compassion.

Out of mere helplessness or frustration, we might send our child to a "time-out" for speaking unkind. And although it might stop the behavior, it doesn't get to the heart of our goal for our child to display kindness, consideration and compassion for others. These traits come from the overflow of the heart. And so it takes thought, prayer, investment or plain ole' creativity to get to the heart of a child.

This morning, I give my boy a little pep-talk on being kind to his sister and he seems to understand. However, as the morning settles into routine, he starts in on telling his sister not to follow him or play with him again. 

So I walk over to him and remind him, " Remember our talk this morning?" 

A little grimace and a humph. I continue.

"I need you to treat your sister like she is a gift from God to our family because, do you know what? When you let her follow you, sit with you and play with you, you practice what it takes to be a good man, a good husband and a good daddy when you grow up."

His little head makes the slightest tilt, like his inner-hearing instantly perks up. 

And then they play.

And they play all day without any further correction.

I can't tell you exactly why, but I have a hunch that in spite of our selfishness, there is this innate longing to be all that we were created to be. This is the heart of the child that we have the responsibility and privilege to invest in, till and water, as parents.

It's a lot of these little moments that show our boys what we expect of them and what we believe for them. It may not be the same words or circumstances for every child. There is no formula.

It's just finding ways to give them a vision for their future.

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